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I’ve been struggling with being all consumed and devastated by some of the realities we face today. From racism to mass extinction and from oil spills to destruction of the rainforest I sometimes find the sadness of it all to be overwhelming. I used to turn away from that which was not positive, thinking this was somehow the path to happiness. It’s not, it’s called denial. 

I’ve been sitting with the Goddess Sita. We hear of Sita as the devoted wife of Rama. She unconditionally loves him, trusts him, serves him and has unshakeable faith in their love. She knows without a question of a doubt that they are soul mates. Her love is the unconditional giving that is inherent within everything.

Sita represents my devotion to the Divine, the Great Goddess. She is the archetypal role model of self-sacrificing love, trust and faith in the Great Mother, the Universal Consciousness. Her love shows me how to relax my personal will so I can rest in the unconditional loving acceptance that is beyond my physical existence.

Sita is my capacity to experience transpersonal love in the face of suffering and grieving. Sita’s gift is the ability to turn my sadness, grief and frustration into all encompassing faith and compassion. She is not a surface level happiness or joy — her love is devotional and therefore requires personal sacrifice, a surrender of personal will.

While her lesson lies in a passive kind of service — she teaches how to go on loving and living and serving my loved ones day to day, even when I want to curl in a ball, cry, or scream bloody murder at the injustices that are a part of Reality — her service is to the Divine, that which is beyond pain, suffering, happiness, wealth. Connecting with her helps release the lump in my throat, the knot in my stomach and the fury in my jaw.

I think that to “hold the pain and suffering that unfolds daily in this world, with love, without despair” (Sally Kempton) is perhaps one of the most powerful lessons of service today. As much as I try to effect positive change in the world there is a part of me that must come to terms with the dark and devastating aspects of Reality.

Emotional health comes from letting emotions flow freely, not hiding them behind a smile and “living my bliss.” There’s so much pressure in the modern day yoga world to be positive, shine bright and see the good but these are only surface level understandings of a much bigger truth. Bliss only comes from a deep acceptance of what is and a surrender of excessive personal agenda.

In sitting with Sita, I’ve learned to drop into my Divine Nature to access the all-embracing, unconditional love of the Goddess (Divine) within me. This has strengthened my capacity to accept what is and offer love and compassion in the face of heartache and injustice. I always learn from nature. Nature just gives. Without expectation, asking nothing in return.

 

“We fight sadness mightily. We want to be happy. The pursuit of happiness is a national right, a universal obsession. And we think that the obvious way to be happy, to have the lilt, the sparkle, the high of happiness, is to avoid sadness..

After the death of what was a really profound friendship I am deeply contemplating what it means to let myself be sad. I mean REALLY sad. It feels embarrassing. It feels like some how I am weaker for allowing myself to be hurt so much. I fight the tears, I fight the depression. I don’t get depressed, I don’t have regret. How did I let myself get so intertwined with someone? How did I let this mean so much to me that this could hurt SO bad. What did I do wrong? I must have done something wrong.

“…In fact, the opposite is true. It is only through accepting inevitable sadness that true joy is possible… Sadness connects you to core of your vulnerability, and the primal attachments that constitute the web of your experience. It is an energy of release, a thunderstorm that breaks the tension and clears the air. It is a dissolving dance, a chaotic vibration at the cellular level, engendering a healing catharsis vital to your being’s fluidity and resilience..

After reading this I did it. I stayed in bed and cried for hours. I don’t think I have literally ever let myself experience sadness like that before. At first it was scary, embarrassing and I felt weak. My ego struggled to hold on, to say “it doesn’t matter, who cares about so and so, you’re fine.” Eventually, like rain pounding its way through the roof, my ego let go. I felt so deep in to the emptiness that the pit in my stomach that it started to unwind and release. My gasps and sobs transitioned to long deep breaths and sighs of relief. It moved through me. I released it. I didn’t hold it in, I didn’t deny it. I felt it and I learned and I let it go. By FAR one of the most profound healing experiences of my life.

..Avoiding sadness results in a superficial happiness, a kind of laugh-track that masks an all-too-apparent undercurrent of depression: it is a permanent station to which so many lives are tuned.” ~Gabrielle Roth, Maps to Ecstasy

My sadness = my joy. I feel more free and more empowered than ever before.

“Many suppose that the path to enlightenment and self-mastery involves, if not denying, at least “transcending our negative” emotions. Shouldn’t we rise above our baser instincts and ascend to the tranquil joy and compassion for after all, that is our nature, right?

I’m convinced that such transcending is simply a path to illusive equanimity that will be blown apart as soon as any real life challenges arise. If you think you can transcend fear, anger and sadness, try riding the A train from the top of Manhattan to the depths of Brooklyn at midnight and see how you do. Or go through the holocaust museum in Jerusalem or spend a night on the streets of Calcutta.

“Feelings are real. They are not ideas that can be turned off. They are not abstractions. They are physical manifestations of energy, uniting body and mind and bringing them to the moment. Unexpressed, repressed, or supressed, this energy becomes toxic. Without release it surfaces in lumps, clots, tumors, spasms, migraine headaches and other symptoms of physical distress.” ~Gabrielle Roth

Ah, I’m still so deep in Gabrielle Roth’s book Maps to Ecstasy . This teaching is such a reoccurring contemplation in my life. Am I really supposed to transcend my emotions of anger and fear? Are they somehow “negative” or “lesser” aspects of who I am? Whenever I encounter someone who simply refuses to raise their voice, who never addresses their anger (i.e. passive aggressive) or who ceaselessly avoids all confrontation I feel my stomach turn in knots. There is just something completely inauthentic about that energy and these quotes just helped me put my finger on what is it — denial. It’s straight up denial. Anger, frustration, sadness and fear are parts of the human experience and if we avoid them they do not go away. Denial is not transcendence. It takes much more courage, grace and power to face the difficult energies then to ignore them. So thank you for telling it to me straight, thank you for losing your temper, thank you for raising your voice, for cursing, for crying  and for putting it all out there. Thank you for being f**in’ REAL — you are a courageous and spiritual being. You are doing the work.